Growing Up Underprivileged – A Blessing In Disguise

It is no secret to most who know me that I grew up without privilege. But, for those who don’t know me, let me paint a picture. I am one of six children. My mother was a single mom with 5 children living at home. We lived in my grandmother’s house 10 & 1/2 miles out of the nearest very small town of Myrtle Creek, OR. Population 3,000 at the time. My grandmother’s house was very old. It was heated by wood stove only, and had no insulation. The water ran from a spring down a makeshift pipe into our home, so when it rained, the water was literally brown, and you had to filter it with a napkin. When the spring froze, we took buckets and a wagon down to the creek across the street and filled them up that way, after breaking the ice. When the fire went out at night, ice would form on the insides of the windows. No, I am not kidding, I really couldn’t make this stuff up.

Our Normal Way Of Life

Although we grew up this way, my mom was great at making sure we had everything we needed; food in our stomachs (although it wasn’t gourmet every night), clothing on our backs, warmth, most of the time, birthday parties, great Christmases, etc. I am not really sure how she did it. We were children, so we really didn’t know this wasn’t a normal way to live. We had bicycles, and Barbies, and Nintendo, even if we did play it on a 13 inch television. We only got a few channels on our tiny TV with the assistance of rabbit ears, but it didn’t matter, we didn’t watch much TV anyway. This was our way of life. We had horses, dogs, cats, ducks, chickens, hamsters, and even pheasants at one point. It was like Old MacDonald’s Farm sometimes.

We were lucky because our cousins were our best friends, and guess what, they all lived within walking distance. Oh the adventures we had. Some that still scare my mom today when we talk about them because she didn’t know what we were up to. Combined, my relatives owned 100 acres, which would be the stomping grounds for the majority of us for most of our childhood. In the hot summer, we went down to the creek and worked the entire vacation day after endless day at building up a damn that would prove to be just deep enough for us to submerge our bodies. We had picnics on the beach, brought our Barbie dolls down and built huts for them out of the nearby leaves, rocks, and sticks, and had an amazing time doing it. We would normally leave our houses after breakfast, and not return until it was almost dark. We rode horses, and my aunt’s 3-wheelers. We  made makeshift tents out of tarps, ropes, trees, and tin that may be lying around in the pasture, and attempted to camp, although most nights we were too afraid to stay all night and ended up in someone’s house.

In the winter, we would go hiking into areas we probably shouldn’t have, “ice skate” on the pond with our shoes, until one of us broke the ice and had freezing feet, sled down the hill in the snow, built snowmen and ice forts, built forts (in trees, or on the ground), played in the mud, and basically came home dirty every night. We were gone from morning until dark. We had secret clubs, played school (yes, we pretended we were in school when we weren’t), had pretend businesses, and one of my all time favorites, we played hide and go seek in the dark, which consisted of putting blankets up on the windows to make the entire house dark, then try not to run into things, or fall down the stairs (although we did become wise to this and put glow in the dark race car strips around the top of the stairs.) We would blare the music so we couldn’t hear, and oh the fun times our parents didn’t know we had.

Lacking Technology

We had a corded phone that kept us in one room, and if we were lucky, we got the phone that had the long cord so we could drag it to another room. We one TV for the most part and it was 13 inches and black and white. We later got a color 13 inch TV, and then my dad got us a 23 inch TV with a VCR for Christmas. Talk about swanky. We had a Nintendo that we all had to share, and eventually a Super Nintendo. And guess what kids, we didn’t get infinite lives or get to “save” the game. We paused it, and if we died, we started ALL OVER from the beginning. Then, if someone accidentally (or on purpose) bumped the reset switch, you were one mad mother#$#(*$. We didn’t have computers or Internet, and guess what somehow (with the help of the library, go figure) we managed to complete school.

If we wanted money, we would go work for hours on end at my aunt’s house to be paid in bags of soda and beer cans. (most of the time it amounted to under $20 and we had to split it 4 ways). Yes, she got some cheap labor. We would clean her hair salon for $5, babysit 6 kids at a time for only $20. We picked berries in the summer, which was, at times, painful. Yes, we got ripped off a lot, but we wanted to earn that money. Keyword here is EARN it, not have it handed to us.

What I have Learned

Although technology is a great asset in some scenarios, it is also a great hindrance. Children don’t know what childhood is really about. They EXPECT to be given money for no reason at all, and throw it in our face… So & So’s parents give them money all the time and they don’t have to do anything. Well guess what, I am not So & So’s mommy.

The Good

• I can work from home and keep my baby out of daycare
• I am available to my family anytime
• The Walking Dead, American Horror Story, Cougar Town, Pretty Little Liars (stop judging me, we all have our hidden embarrassing shows we watch, don’t lie) and all my other favorite shows are on demand anytime I want.
• You can find ANYTHING on the internet and shop from home (plus kids have it so easy with homework.. They really have no clue, how easy)
• I can talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere (unless there is no service)

Life is a lot more comfortable with forced air gas heat and running water.

The Bad

• Kids are so distracted and don’t know how to interact with each other without their phones.
• I am available to my family ANYTIME!
• The Walking Dead, American Horror Story, Cougar Town, Pretty Little Liars (stop judging me, we all have our hidden embarrassing shows we watch, don’t lie) and all my other favorite shows are on demand anytime I want.
• Cheating is easier. I mean this in every sense of the word. School, relationships, work.
• Society as a whole is lazier. It is so much easier to sit in front of a TV or computer than to interact with others, or take care of ourselves.
• Our children don’t know how to play. They don’t know how to entertain themselves without electronics.
• Imagination is lacking. Creativity in the world is dwindling because of the reliance of electronics.

The Ugly

• Pornography is plaguing our lives. Whether it is our husbands, boyfriends, children, or close friend/relative, it is a real problem for a lot of people.
• Bullying is real, and it has become a real problem for children and adults alike.
• Our kids sometimes don’t know what is or is not appropriate to post to social media, which can cause issues with friends, family, and relationships.

What We Can Do

As a society, I feel it is our duty to educate our children. And I don’t just mean in the go to school sense of the world. Our 8-year-old kids do not need a smart phone. I don’t even pay for my teens in college to have a smart phone. Make them play. Give them the tools to use their imaginations, and watch them soar. Outside time is a must. Kids need to explore the great outdoors. Limit screen time. This is a hard one, and I admit I am just as guilty as the next person at this. It is really easy to park your kids in front of the TV so you can get work done. Don’t spoil them. When they have everything, they want more, and are grateful for nothing. Kids in today’s society EXPECT to get what they want. Poor little rich kids. (and yes, I am being melodramatic with this statement.) And finally, make family matter. Eat meals together, have real discussions, play together, and live life to the fullest.

Having It All, But At What Cost

When I was a child, I was not born into privilege. We had it rough growing up, but we made do and had a fun childhood filled with memories. Because of our struggle, this made me have the drive to succeed. I wanted to be the best at what I did, or I didn’t want to do it. I was an A student throughout high school, was accepted into the Ensemble group (which was a select group of singers with auditions required), I reached for the stars. I wanted it all. Then, at the age of 18, I had twins. I was pregnant my entire senior year, and delivered them early at 36 weeks, but guess what, I worked hard and graduated high school early WITH HONORS!

I went on to college, and don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of help. I had to in order to accomplish this. I took 12 credit hours, worked in the college daycare to earn financial credit, and was a wife with a household to run. Yes, I was married at 19, but only after living in my mother’s house and having great support from my family which included babysitting from my mom, sisters, and brother. I truly couldn’t have done it without them and am very grateful for that.

Fast forward a few years, and I was divorced at 21. In between I had another beautiful baby and put college on hold for a while. I moved 3 hours away from the nearest family member with my current boyfriend and finished college. I was a college graduate with 3 children. I decided I needed to get a job and that the rest of college could wait. After all, it is expensive to raise 3 children. I would never, unfortunately go back to college, which thrust me into working hourly jobs.

The first post college job was cashiering at Albertson’s, a local grocery store and you could bet, I was the best. I worked when told, cleaned my station, stocked shelving on downtime, and my customers loved me. I mean this literally, I had a stalker, but that is for another blog. Then, I hit the jackpot, or for me it was. A huge pay increase. Although I didn’t want to leave my job because I really enjoyed it, I went to let’s all sigh together; A Call Center… I didn’t know any better, and guess what, I was the best on my team. Best call handling time, best customer satisfaction, I reached for the stars even in this not so coveted position.

Time passed, and the boyfriend didn’t workout, also a blog for another time. I worked as a single mom, kept a clean apartment, worked full time, attended the twin’s school events, and did the best I could. I then met my current ex-husband, yada yada a blog for another time. I got sick, really sick. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, an autoimmune disease that is not forgetting. I continued to work, take care of the house, attend school events, go to doctor’s appointments, and tried to have it all. I did so well in my department that I was accepted to move from customer service to dealership tech support. I did so well at this job, that I moved into the knowledge base analyst (KBA) position (which was kind of a big deal). I was the best I could be.

Fast forward, I was recruited from my KBA position to work for another company for a significant pay increase doing tech support. I loved working here, and I was loved by my customers and had a great working relationship with my co-workers. It was like I graduated to adulthood finally. I was making good money, had good health insurance, and a house, a real house. Things went well here, and I moved into a sales position which offered better pay, and more flexibility for family and doctors appointments.

Time really flies, After years of mental and physical abuse by an alcoholic and very cruel husband, and 7 doctors attempting to properly treat my Hashimoto’s disease, I had enough. I stayed too long, because why? I didn’t want to fail, big mistake. I was again a single mother, but it was great! We were happy. I accepted a job working from home for a client of mine selling websites. Then, I met my current partner. I got pregnant (which was a huge surprise) because guess what I was told by doctors I couldn’t and because of birth control, but God had a plan for me. I announced it to the company I worked for, and was suspiciously laid off 2 weeks afterward. (yet another blog)

It was okay that I was laid off. I was pregnant and had some complications to deal with. This too, I believe was divine intervention. I needed the time to go to the doctor and rest. My son was then diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic, which required hospitalization, and all of my attention. This happened less than a month before I was due to deliver, and in the middle of moving. Unemployment was a welcome event in my life at this point, and God planned it that way.

I delivered a beautiful baby boy via planned c-section and everything was perfect, until, I was diagnosed with a DVT (blood clot) that extended from my pelvis down into my knee in multiple veins. This was a devastation that led to kind of a spiral for me. I was blessed to be offered a work from home job writing content for a former client of mine, and now a friend. I was able to focus on my baby, my son, my family, and my health while supplying an income. But, this job too, came to an abrupt end with layoffs. Again, God intervened. I was offered a work from home position writing for my current, wonderful employer (which I celebrated my 1 year anniversary with yesterday) the day I was notified of the layoff.

Today I strive to do the best I can. I try to write quality, well thought out content for my employer and feel very appreciated by them. I do struggle daily with my Hashimoto’s and most people don’t even know I am sick, but I am. Autoimmune disease is a silent disease, but it is real, and it is there. I try to be the best mom that I can be. Being the best in all areas sometimes doesn’t really work. It costs. And it can cost a lot.

I believe that the decline of some of my relationships both with significant others and with family were due to me being my best. I believe I have failed my children because I attempted to be my best, and failed my work because I attempted to be the best for my children. The truth is, you CAN’T be the best at everything, so you have to choose what is most important. I have chosen my family and my health, then my job in that order. I believe that my illness was onset from not only traumatic events in my childhood, but exasperated by pregnancy (which causes flares) stress, and not taking care of myself as well as letting doctors be the expert, which let me tell you, they are not.

The truth is, you have to invest in yourself, personally, spiritually, and emotionally. When you do this first, you can be a better mother, better employee, better friend, and better family member. Maybe not the best, but better. Also, stop keeping up with the Jones’s. This will kill you. Be happy with who you are and what you have. Don’t worry if your house is not immaculate. I assure you that when you go to your friend’s house it isn’t as clean as it appears and when they found out you were coming over, they probably stuffed those shoes, dirty laundry, and toys into the closet. Don’t invest your worth on “stuff.” You can’t take it with you when you depart this world and move on to the next. When you stop to smell the roses and stop trying to have it all, life begins.